Top Eight Clichéd Break up Lines


imageBreaking up with someone is certainly one of the most difficult things to carry out. It is an intent to separate two hearts that used to beat for each other, to stop the flutterings in the chests, the butterflies-in-the-stomachs and the flushing of cheeks. Breakups get us teary, flush our emotions, drain our energy and break our hearts. It is not an easy thing to tell the other person that you no longer feel the way you used to feel for them, that you no longer want them in your space, that you feel it is better to let them go. However no matter how much difficult we feel breaking up is, the other person you are about to leave devastated would appreciate some honesty no matter how much hurt it will add to the present one. He or she at least deserves that little or much. I was going through the internet, just surfing and I came across an article that made a list of the eight popular clichés commonly used by people when they want to break up with their partner. My last relationship ended unappealing about two months ago. It’s quite “interesting” how almost all these clichés has been used on me by just one guy, just one. I don’t know who deserves the accolades but then in my mind I was like “damn, this guy’s really “cool” because it’s either he did his research on breaking up or he’s a natural but seriously, breakups ain’t cool.

1. You deserve better
This line is quite slick but then it’s also very sick. It makes the guy seems sorta cool to you. A guy will say this to make you feel he is really a bad match for you. It is a very weird compliment… “You’re too good for me”. I mean if I am that good, then why won’t you want me?. To crown it he’ll add the line “Whoever ends up with you is so lucky” …spits water…
Okay?! Seriously? A coward heartbreaker like you wouldn’t deserve someone like me really. But could you just stop trying to make me feel good after doing a very bad thing. Considering me and my love for words though I’ll just throw in a lil bit of sarcasm; “guess you’re immune to good luck right?”.

2. I need a little space, I think we should take a break
This will come from a confused guy who doesn’t know if he should walk away or stay. How long? Why? Getting back together? It usually leaves you with these questions and if voiced out he has no answer to them. It’s quite confusing and crazy. He is not bold enough to ask for a break up because he probably wants to go out there and explore, he also wants to keep his options open in case he’s not fortunate enough out there. Since you never broke up it kinda makes it easy to get back together, so girl you’re like a backup.

3. …silence…
This is the most awkward, lamest and dumbest attitude ever. Only cowards and immature guys do this…ignoring. It really messes up the other partner because you can’t help but feel the guilt that you did something wrong and worse off it’s killing that you don’t know what. That’s just weak. He can’t even make up an excuse even if it’s a flimsy one. You ignore me, I’ll confront you and make the breakup easier.

4. I’m just not ready for relationship now
This is usually from guys who are scared of commitment…Aquarius guys… because he doesn’t like you enough to make you part of his future plans. He’ll string you along, enjoy the moment but when it comes to commitment he’ll back out. It’s called being mean, selfish and hypocritical.

5. I like you too much
Somebody help!!!! Hollywood is to blame though, they sold us that line for a good while… guess what? this isn’t Hollywood so quit the act. You like me too much that you would prefer to leave me, toss me to solitude, and have me devastated, depressed, and sad. It doesn’t make sense. I mean who are you kidding? If you like me that much then we stick together. Truth is it’s not a crime to admit the truth that the only one you’ve ever loved is yourself. I get that!

6. I need to retrace my steps
Wow?! Incredible!! Have I been bad luck or something?? Or the times you have spent with me have been fruitless? Or you simply wants to go with someone else…who you think is better… I mean between you and me darling, you are clearly a waste of my precious time.

7. It’s not you, it’s me                          I would call any guy who use this line “smart”. He’s trying not to make you feel guilty and worried in a clever way. It’s the closest to being thoughtful and kinda makes him sound caring and responsible. It’s either he has a conscience or he wants you to let him go so peacefully.

8. Disappearing without a trace                                       This is very similar to the third excuse… Changing phone numbers, home addresses and the dodgy attitude is so creepy. I’d get worried over your safety first before the breakup thingy, so why not open instead of disappearing into thin air. Creepy and weird guys do this.


Follow me on
Twitter @adenikewa
Instagram @iambalogunadenike


Evil, Justice, Conscience, and Choice : A discourse


Evil: the appeal of the serpent
Each one of us is born with a trait of evil…my thought…
In my secondary school days, we did a literary analysis… one that I so much love…”Lord of the flies” by William Golding. The Evil inherent in man was the theme that moved me then…still moves me now… I do remember a few of the characters; young schoolboys: Piggy, Ralph, Jack and the others stranded on the island. Obviously no one would have thought those boys capable of the evil, harm and the damage they inflicted on themselves. One would literally take them as young, innocent and of course expect them to have had each other’s back following the maxim – ” United we stand, divided we fall”.
Although they see themselves as schoolmates, unconsciously they started acting out the evil in them. Jealousy and ambition crept in, mutiny and revenge grew resulting in destruction and death. The height and aftermath of the destruction on the island left even the Naval officers bewildered.
There is a thing about evil and humanity that seems to be inseparable. It seems to dominate all spheres of human existence, constructs and influences. Checking through time it seemed to have being the norm with good being the exception. And what makes evil rampart in our world is the fact it easily finds its place in man’s heart and an expression in man’s acts.
Justice: man’s attempt at rebellion
At his best Man is the noblest of all animals; separated from Law and Justice he is the worst – Aristotle
Man recognized how much the influence of Evil has grown and wanting to curb it; he created laws and tried to impose Justice but evil and man had become one. Eventually man bent justice to the whims of evil. An old Scottish saying goes thus the law catches flies but leaves the hornets to fly. Justice became another tool alongside money and power even religion couldn’t escape the clutches of this dominating wielder and in the end man loses his autonomy to the satisfaction of a greater master.
Conscience: the voice in the wilderness
At the tip of the resistance against the conquest of evil stands Conscience. Sophocles said “there is no terrible witness and no accuser so powerful as the conscience which dwells within us.” Conscience is that little voice that reminds us of our capacity to resist the pull of evil. It is also the harsh voice that rebukes us when we let go of innocence in the service of wickedness. There is a higher court than the courts of Justice it is the court of Conscience. It supersedes all courts – Mahatma Gandhi
Evil grows because man found a way to silence his conscience, he realized that if he ignored it enough then he would not hear him speak, more so that he thinks he has vanquished him, silencing him forever to never hear him speak again (hence we say the wicked has a dead conscience) but then to man’s utmost surprise, conscience can not be killed and will never be silent. It will always speak and no matter how hardened we become, it will always be there gnawing on our consciousness.
Choice: hard way, the noble way
The battle between Good and Evil runs through the heart of every man – Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn
Yes, there’s so much hurt in this world, so much hate, so much evil but! there’s always Hope. They say the grimmer the darkness, the brighter the light. All we have to do is Choose; choose to heed the call of good; choose to love; learn to forgive first ourselves and then extend that same forgiveness to others ; choose to listen to that little voice: our conscience.

If I start to talk… A critique

Recently on TwitterNG there’s been a rush of incredible paintings, maybe I should call it a movement of young Nigerian artists revealing to us their stellar qualities through their paintings. A lot of which are hyper realism paintings by Ayo Filade and Ken Nwadiogbu (these two artists got me glaring at their works for so long). And of course this is my first time of seeing hyperrealism paintings…so I got an article on hyperrealism paintings titled “The Far Road” by Paul Cadden…. hyperrealism is more than just techniques, it is the artist narrating his feelings into a painting which can be tricky to the eye sometimes. The subject leads us into focusing on the feelings and the message that is passed across.
So since I could not bring myself to stop looking at Ken Nwadiogbu’s artworks, I just had to pick one of them and critique…. “If I start to talk”…
image.jpeg“If I start to talk” by Ken Nwadiogbu was done in 2015 through 2017, using charcoal and silver leaf on paper, he brought into existence this thought-provoking painting. This art piece is an incredible one, but of course there is more to it than meet the eye. Staring at this piece for the first time I felt the pain or the pangs of a man behind bars. Certainly it is only when we look closely that we can connect with this art piece and then gradually comprehend the message it is passing across. So taking a longer and closer look, it unveils the state of an oppressed man who is being deprived of certain freedom… a slave of circumstance. There’s an axe head (an object of oppression) showing a man’s face beneath it, with an X (the X seemed like shreds of white cloth at first) taped across his mouth. A man struggling to make his voice heard but has his mouth taped, a man who wants to see the world but his vision is partly blocked.
The black and silvery hues seems cold and stark and at the same time draws us, the viewers, to the painting. Thereby deepening the sympathy one can garner and invoking our deepest feelings. And in return, we become somber and subdued in dark thoughts as empathy is brought to light.
A well rounded painting with highlight and shadow enhancing the effects of the face. The
blended charcoal and the shadow cast by the axe head blends into the background. It is intriguing that this painting which is more or less a portrait looks in the direction of the negative space as it were looking straight at us the viewers.
To me the theme of oppression and the inner struggles of man stands out. The struggles we can’t tell people, that which haunts us daily, trying to pull us under and sometimes drown us in the tide of life.
While taking a look at Ken Nwadiogbu’s works, I saw the boldness, vibrance, and energy they possess but then they are not loud, they merely shove down their feelings inside us. And having a chat with him a few days back I discovered that the act of painting is not just an urge to create but a way of liberating the self from the shackles of locked up memories and experiences.
From my first view to subsequent views of the painting, my impression didn’t change it only got better. The artist started in 2015, then a pause and he finished it in 2017 so I can say it’s not just a piece of art but a piece of a man’s life and effort. I’d love to have it hanging in my study…who knows it could always be a source of inspiration.
This art piece of Ken Nwadiogbu is a deep and sensational portrayal of hyperrealism which he truly represents.

Till the next …


Chronicles of a lonely heart


Still in the first week of May. A month I look forward to with hope and optimism probably because it resonates with my name, or maybe because it’s my month yes i was born in May, or maybe because the word ‘May’ in itself signifies hope. Anyways this month must be positive. April held in itself few positives; dreams, aspirations, and plans most of which turned out unfulfilled.
I spent most of my days lazying about at home..more hours in front of the TV and less eating (never been a foodie). The only good part: I read a lot: old articles, poems, and then novels. I read more of romance novels (maybe too much) which I’m scared of doing again this month… After a while, I left romance for The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins… Katniss Everdeen inspires, she energizes me. Peeta isn’t my person. He’s sort of a recessive character. The person of Gale got me (maybe because I already saw the movie): strong and vibrant. I actually thought he will be Katniss’s partner in the hunger games but the odds aren’t in his favor. Getting to the thirtieth page in the Hunger Games novel…I got tired, then switched to Adichie’s Americanah (which I’m reading for the umpteenth time though) but then what can I say, I love paperbacks. I also love female characters in novels but Ifemelu’s indecision throws me off balance… I expected a strong-willed female character from Adichie because she’s a feminist. Ifemelu couldn’t decide on which guy to stay with, while she was with Blaine and Curtis she thought of Obinze who is married with a kid. Well, I wouldn’t say her thoughts are not feasible… African men abandon their wives and children to live with their girlfriends.
So for this month of Hope I’ll simply reconnect, do the things my heart wants to do:
I want to listen to good music. For the better part of April Simi’s “Complete me” has been my song (monotonous right? that’s April in a nutshell). I am willing to change that now. I’ll listen more to Pentatonix’s covers ( I love their cover of Havana). I really suck at dancing but I’m open to learning how to now.
I want to take more pictures, No, photographs, I believe they hold more value and strength than pictures (my thoughts).
I would like to take more trips, just to explore nature (if you know a good hiking route please let me know).
A part of me wants love, to feel my heart beat wildly for another… but then it’s just a distraction. Boyfriends are distractions.
So I’ll simply live more, not too much for myself but for others.

Reality or Illusion?


It took me quite a while to understand what reality actually is… While I was in the university, I would always bother myself about what tomorrow will bring. I’d worry a lot about what life after school would be like; job hunting, the fulfilment of my dreams and aspirations, and of course whether life will be easy after on. Whenever school was in session I longed to have a break and whenever I’m on break I wanted to be back in school. I vacillated between choices and never really seemed to decide on any one. I had no boyfriends, no dates, no parties, no clubbing, even had no real friends. I was neither a “churchy girl” nor an outspoken girl. I was just normal, maybe a little bland. I was the girl who enjoyed her presence more than anything in the world. I would be all by myself for as long as I choose to or be in a room full of people and I wouldn’t bother to know them or strike up a conversation. I loved to be in my imaginations and it always loved having me around.
I looked forward to my final exams, it held in it a promise of freedom. I would be free to run wild, nothing can hold me back, I would fully belong to myself, maybe hit a dream job at one of the mega cities and that will be it.
The final exams came, University days were over, I’m actually done and that was when it hit me; everything I had always run from, there they were! Damn reality!! She had her arms open wide with a I-knew-you’d-be-back smile on her face to welcome me. I realised then that even though I could run after mirage, I couldn’t run away from my shadow.
I dreaded going home every vacation because I didn’t want to have to spend my holidays in the house with the person I have so much hatred for (not anymore though). I had fears; I feared my loved ones will leave me (The one person that was very close to me travelled out) and I was afraid that nobody really wanted me. I would refuse to eat, have my bath and talk to no one. I lost enough; weight, beauty, and myself (thankfully not completely).
In all these I realized I was like a mother who cherishes a baby’s photograph and starves her child, like a man who dances with a mannequin but ignores his wife. *I am this because I shunned reality.* Basking in my imagination was kind of an escape for me…from my fears, the reality of my situations, from everything… It’s when I abandon reality for illusion. Life came rushing at me but I failed to embrace it, it passed right by me and I didn’t even see it go. Worse off, I had missed out on a great deal. I never really settled down for once to enjoy the moment. I worried too much and in the end every worry turned out to be a mirage, once again I was running.
The reality I should have accepted easily, flanged itself at me. I had no strength left to resist. So I let go of my illusions, braced myself and faced reality head on.
I suffered anaemia at the time. It turned out I was sickly; lean and pale, I needed to see the doctor… Unfortunately, doctors were on strike at the time… That got me reflecting and I realized that I could have actually died… Puff and that’ll be it I’m gone (guess I’m not one for suicide)… another harsh reality that got me strengthened and determined to focus. I really had to stop the “harm” I have been causing myself and do something. So I got myself blood tonics and had my diet changed to proteins; the juice from pumpkin leaves and milk became my favorite. Also I got this book Life is worth Living by Fulton Sheen from an acquaintance …and taking each day as it came never became a problem anymore. I prayed too ( for those who believe in prayer, it works). Two months after I was getting back to normal, then something really good happened, I got a call to resume a job I got in Obafemi Awolowo University ICT Centre by proxy. I left home as soon as I could with few clothes and not so attractive appearance. The job was the magic! I wasn’t earning much but I loved the work. I just decided I was going to let go… breathe… live and I did. I enjoyed the laughter that reverberated in the office, I enjoyed the company of my colleagues. It’s a good thing to be busy doing something; something worthwhile.
Now the job’s over but in losing myself I gained it back…and I’ve come to love reality…. Now waiting for the call to serve the fatherland, I wouldn’t hesitate to explore, to let go and let live. To face more of reality with hope…till “the tomorrow never comes”.

Till the next one…


Body Shaming

imageHave you ever wondered how often we are told to change our appearances?
Social media and magazines offer daily tips on how to lose weight “instantly” and hide our “flaws”. And if we don’t conform to this habit of weight losing and getting rid of our “imperfections” we ourselves become a target of body shaming because our society prefers individuals with slimmer, thinner, and well sculpted bodies. Surfing the net for this topic I found different definitions and meanings…some will just complicate the topic itself so I’ll just use my definition ( similar to others tho) which I got through my experience with body shaming. Body shaming is making mockery of people’s body size…making them feel less beautiful and not too good to appear in the public. Or better still when our body sizes do not match the society’s idea of a perfect body shape.
Another type of body shaming is when people look at themselves in the mirror and say, ” Look how fat my thighs are”, or “I hate my broad shoulders” or “I’m so thin and I hate my slender neck”. In this regard no one criticizes us but we choose to look down on ourselves searching for “imperfections” in our body sizes.
I was preparing for my post utme exams in OAU, so I stayed with my cousin. She lived in one of the popular and posh hostels around Oau campus then….I could say I was chubby then…pretty face and all but my beautiful face didn’t stop a friend’s boyfriend from referring to me as “fat and round”. This made me so sad and I became ashamed of myself and I had to hide myself from him, his supermodel girlfriend and the other hostel mates…I couldn’t even make friend with ‘Toni the guy I admired so much then. I thought everyone sees me as the “fat and round” girl….the others didn’t actually bother about it then. I met another girl there too, a bit big, and we become “reading partners” and friends too-we ended up studying the same course tho. It’s funny now that my friend turned out bigger than me. Getting into Uni life’s got easier and nicer….no more body shaming. Not in my presence anyways…it could have happened behind my back. My Uni days were normal and I didn’t even try working on the said “fat and round” me. Maybe I felt threatened a bit then. I just lost the weight as I moved on with life.
I found out recently that my experience with body shaming isn’t that “deep” or serious when a friend told me all she’s been through. She’s really on the big side… she told me how she’ll have to stay indoor and refuse to step out to avoid being looked at by both the young and old in the streets…they’ll even point at her and make dirty jokes about her body and size… She said they saw her as an ugly art piece which can only be “dirtied” and I know people can do unspeakable and disgusting things to such art piece. Secondary school students threw stones at her… Why is humiliating people funny?
Then she saw herself as a “heated mass”. Conforming to the society’s push she would gladly and eagerly throw all that curvy body of hers away and assume a slimmer body. She determined ever since then that losing the weight will make her acceptable.
For me I never for once criticized my size. No! I did not lock myself up in my room or cry behind closed doors and cut myself. I have my mum and a very close person to me to thank for that. They taught me to love my body shape no matter what.
But then it’s always funny to me how the “slim” people who body shamed me then turned out more “fat” than me now….
People who mocked my body shape then now envy my shape and they still prefer to imagine me in my “then-body size”.
I would share a short story of Snow White and Red shoes…
A normal girl born with extraordinary circumstances.
A princess who doesn’t fit
into the celebrity world of princesses-or their dress size.
She wants to stay true to herself
but Fairy Tale Island is all about looks,
so it makes it hard not to want to be like the others.
In her search for her lost father,
she learns not only to accept herself
but to celebrate who she is, inside and out.
And to let the beauty within-the beauty Prince Merlin falls in love with -shine brighter than anyone else in the land.

Never let a scale define you or someone else!

Till the next…..

I wish you understood!

imageThis art piece is titled “I wish you understood” done by Silas Onoja in 2017. It is an oil on canvas. Onoja started as a child drawing funny cartoons and pictures. He then started professionally as a graduate, with National Diploma from the Polytechnic in 2016.
There’s a young lady, a beautiful lady, in this painting. She is sitting on the rocky side of the stream, smiling and lost in thought. Her hair is plaited. She wears a blue and yellow blouse “buba” and a dark blue wrapper “iro”. Her knees are raised up, and she puts her head on the right knee. She scoops up water from the stream with her right hand and her left hand which she places across her open thighs is about to touch the water too. Obviously she is playing with the stream water. Looking at her attire especially the red beads on her neck could mean she’s royal. Her nails are nice, I must say. The landscape is outdoor, even though we can’t see the skies in the painting but the stream and the rock. It is evening time: the sun has set. The colors in this painting are saturated and pure; the blue and the yellow of the lady’s blouse, the red bead, her black hair, the caramel skin, the crystal of the water, the grey of the rock.
In this painting the lady is the point of focus, and the water too. But the hues: yellow, blue, red, and brown are pure which makes our eyes stay more on the lady than the stream water she plays with. The texture of this art piece is smooth and fine with defined lines.
Anytime I look at this painting I feel at peace… the painting is a familiar scene. I always feel the artist is an All-knowing-being who has painted ME in my playfulness with water at the stream…my thoughts… Playfulness with water is a common thing with young ladies. They play with water when they are heartbroken, lonely, in love or infatuation. They could have played with sand or anything around them but water seems to be the best element to play with. Water is flowing, water is emotions, and water is the best expression for love. Lao Tzu, the Chinese philosopher, says ” Water is the softest thing, yet it can penetrate mountains and earth. This shows clearly the principle of softness overcoming hardness”.  can penetrate souls and soften hardened hearts. It can restore peace to us.
Also the title of this painting depicts how much we want to enjoy our reminiscences of our “lovey” moments alone because the people around do not and can not understand how we feel at these moments. “I wish you understood” how heartbroken, how lonely I am, or how much in love I am. But sadly no one could understand her except the stream water; it can penetrate her soul and soften the hardness. But seeing the lady smile we can tell she’s reminiscing the happy, loving, and beautiful moments of her life.
This is certainly an interesting piece; a realistic one too. A painting I would really love to have because it captures my mood often times. As a critic, I see water as a basic element in Silas Onoja’s works. According to him water is a peaceful, calm and friendly element…represents a peaceful state of mind too. And I believe the beautiful lady in this painting seeks a peaceful state of mind which obviously she finds at the stream. “Water no get enemy”. This painting passes important messages: learning to appreciate nature and being at peace with our selves no matter what!